I continued to maintain the role of the scapegoat and the identified patient in the relationships — that I sought to maintain — because I bought into the lie that I was responsible for any and all restlessness, irritability and discontent in each of my relationships. Consequently, in the process of attempting to maintain each of my relationships, I readily sought to discard the parts of myself that I perceived triggered any irritability, restlessness or discontent in each of my relationships.
In my recovery process, I came to realize that I had discarded parts of myself to avoid being criticized, blamed, shamed, ostracized, ridiculed, talked about negatively or made fun of in — and out of my relationships. I discovered that I discarded parts of myself because I believed that my worth and value were directly connected to whether I received the approval and validation of the people in my relationships. I discovered that I discarded parts of myself in my attempt to control that which could not be controlled.
I discovered that in the process, I unknowingly participated in dynamics that perpetuated and reinforced the faulty belief system that sought to keep me convinced that I did not just make mistakes, but that I was a mistake. In my ignorance, I absorbed responsibility for irritability, restlessness and discontent – in the lives of people — over which I was powerless. Consequently, I enabled irresponsible and dysfunctional behavior — in other people and in myself. In my enabling, I lost myself as I attempted to find myself in people and relationships. In my behavior I became the identified patient.
For further insight, please read my 2 part article, Traumatic Brain Injury and the Identified Patient
Please read Part 5 for context. Thank you.
Here is my Contact page. Send comments and questions and I will respond to you.
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