In my experience, I had to address how the bully (shame) crippled my life and my relationships. In my experience, I knew that something needed to change.
In my experience, I became willing to do whatever was necessary — because I no longer wanted to be bullied.
Because I no longer wanted to be bullied, I looked for solutions. Because I no longer wanted to be crippled by the bully (shame) I reached out for help. In my reaching out for help I found a new way of living.
I found solutions for living life on life’s terms.
In my experience, I discovered solutions that help me to live life on life’s terms. To read what helped me to find freedom from the bully and to live life on life’s terms, click on this link: Second Chance to Live and the Action Steps
In addition to working the Action Steps I was led to read several books. These books helped me to put a face on the bully and toxic shame. These books helped me to see how toxic shame operated and took advantage of me.
These books helped me to understand why I allowed other people to abuse me. More importantly, these books helped me to understand why I abused myself. These books and the Actions Steps provided a way to stop the abuse. The Action Steps provided a way out.
I would like to share those books with you.
Shame and Guilt — Masters of Disguise by Jane Middleton-Moz
The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller
For many years I did not know how to distinguish between guilt and shame. Through my recovery process I learned some thing that changed my life and my world. Let me share what I leaned with you. Guilt is different than shame. If you made a mistake you can make an amends and thus resolve the guilt. Shame on the other hand is a being wound which leads the person to believe that they just don’t make mistakes, but that they are a mistake.
The tendency to over achieve and develop a sense of grandiosity or to under achieve and develop a sense of helplessness is often a response observed in people who have been bullied by shame. Being bullied by shame can lead to a learned helplessness, which can in turn undermine the individual and their motivation. Grandiosity and a learned helplessness can both serve to distract and keep the individual in the cycle of bullying.
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