For many years of my life I was unable to grasp the reality that I could experience hope in my now. Consequently, I found myself waiting for a “when” to occur before I could be able to experience the benefits of hope. Because I maintained the perspective of “if” and “when” to establish hope I became cynical and pessimistic.
I became cynical and pessimistic because my expectations of hope were not fulfilled. As a traumatic brain injury survivor living with an invisible disability I found that my hope was dashed repeatedly despite what I hoped for in life. For further insight into my process please read my 3 part series, My Journey thus Far.
My hard work and determination — through my rehabilitation process and beyond — seemed to be for naught. My courage turned into discouragement. My motivation daunted by disillusionment and depression. My enthusiasm to apathy. And at points in my process I found myself asking, “What is the use in trying?”
Practically speaking, my best efforts to succeed brought me up against one wall after another wall. These walls appeared to block me from my hope. Consequently, I felt as though my best efforts to achieve — what I hoped for — were scattered about like junked cars in an open field with little meaning, purpose or value.
And then I found that hope had always been present.
Please read Part 3 for context. Thank you.
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