Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am honored by your presence my friend. Earlier this evening I was involved in a discussion. One facet of the discussion surrounded the topic of spiritual awakenings. As I listened to various people share from their experiences I reflected back upon my spiritual journey. As I considered my journey I realized that I had found a new freedom and a new happiness. Below I will share some of my pilgrimage with you my friend.
From an early age I learned that my good was not good enough and that I was the cause of unrest, irritability and discontent. In my attempts to counteract my feelings of shame and my fear of abandonment I strove to be perfect. Perfectionism drove my life along with my performance based acceptance mentality. I strove to be more than so that I would not be shamed and blamed for not being enough. Over time I became what I have heard described as human doing — because I did not know how to be.
For many years, I was not so much interested in living my life, but in surviving what happened to me. Perfectionism along with a performance base acceptance drove me as I attempted to do enough to be enough. In the process I attempted to control people and my environment through assuming responsibility for what was out of my control. In my attempts to control my circumstances and my environment I had no idea of how to have and maintain healthy relationships — with God, other people or myself.
And then one day some one shared with me that God wanted to have a relationship with me — and I reached back to God. As I began to pursue a relationship with God I initially felt unequivocally accepted by God.
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