Please read Part 1 for context. Thank you.
I continued to be tossed here and there through grandiosity / low self-esteem / low self-worth — in an attempt to ease my anxiety — until I did the work to confront the undermining messages set forth by humiliation. Through my process I discovered that humiliation used shame to reinforce my fear of abandonment and my feelings of alienation and isolation. In my experience, as I addressed my shame issues I began to understand the difference between humiliation and humility.
Through my journey and by listening to a 2 tape series by John Bradshaw, “Healing the Shame that Binds You” I discovered that humility was different from humiliation in that humility allows me to accept that I have finite human limitations. When I heard Mr. Bradshaw make that statement — nearly 18 years ago I started on a wonderful journey of self-discovery. On his tape series Mr. Bradshaw also mentioned the profound impact that several authors and their book had upon his life.
After listening to his 2 tape series I made a decision to obtain and read copies of the books that he referred to on his tape series. I am forever indebted to the Mr. Bradshaw and to those authors as they collectively had a profound impact upon my life and well being.
Through the information gained — through the 2 tape series and by reading the books — I was slowly able to stop listening to the demands set forth by humiliation. In the process, I learned to stop shaming myself for not being perfect. Slowly I was able let go of my drive to be more than — to be enough — with a pursuit of excellence. I was slowly able to learn how to trust in healthy ways — instead of being gullible. In the process, I was slowly able to let go of my need to make other people OK before I could be OK with me. I was slowly able to like and be comfortable being in my own skin.
With time I have learned how to trust the process while letting go of outcomes. I have been able to trust the God of my understanding because I have found that He loves me unconditionally. I have been able to learn to trust myself because I have found that I am trustworthy. I have been able to find the parts of myself that I had discarded. I have been able to stop blaming people, including myself. I have been able to develop a relationship with myself.
Through my journey, I have been encouraged. I have been motivated. I have been empowered. I have found hope.
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