As I looked closer into my issues with trust my awareness’s grew.
In my mind — as a human doing — I bought into the notion that I could not trust unless I first performed up to the expectations of individuals, groups, organizations and religious institutions. Consequently, I found myself in a perpetual state of unrest as I strove to meet the expectations — as a prerequisite to being able to trust.
I not only strove to be able to trust and feel secure in my relationships with individuals, groups, organizations and religious institutions, I also strove to be able to trust and feel secure in my relationship with the God of my understanding. In the process I became a human doing and forgot how to be a human being.
Consequently, I bought into the notion that I needed to continually perform to feel safe and secure in all my relationship — with the God of my understanding, with other people and even with myself. In the process, I bought into the notion that I needed to continually perform to maintain my relationships: with God, other people and myself.
In my mind, heart and soul I bought into the notion that I needed to continually perform to keep and maintain safe and secure relationships.
In my experience, I found that I had been conditioned. I had been conditioned to believe that if I did not perform or measure up to the “expectations” of the relationships — that I was seeking to have and maintain — those individuals and even God would go away or leave me. Such conditioning significantly impaired my ability to trust.
Please read Part 5for context. Thank you.
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