Please read Part 1, Part 2 for context. Thank you.
Because of the resentments that I harbored against the people, places and things of my past, I found myself reacting to my present. Through my awareness I discovered that my unfinished business was in effect sabotaging my present.
I discovered that my resentments were undermining my ability to make healthy choices. Rather than being a proactive participant in my life I became a resident reactor. I reacted to my circumstances as though I was a child, an adolescent or a teenager — while as an adult. I reacted to defend myself and my life when no imminent threat existed.
Although I did not realize the ramifications of my resentments — at the time — I witnessed the impact that resentments were having upon the lives of countless others. The consequences of those resentments became apparent when I turned on the radio or television and listened to the news. Bad choices and fatal outcomes.
Through my recovery process I then became aware of the negative consequences that my resentments were having upon my life and my relationships. While sitting in a meeting I heard a member make a profound point. They said that having and harboring resentments is likened to drinking poison while hoping people, places and things die. When I heard the comparison reality became apparent. My resentments were slowly killing me and hindering my ability to trust the process, a loving God and myself.
The obvious was quickly becoming apparent. Nothing good was coming from the resentments that I held toward, God, myself and other people. The impact of my resentments hindered my ability to trust the process, a loving God and myself.
With my awareness — and through the encouragement of my sponsor — I realized that it was in my best interest that I begin a program of rigorous honesty. The student had become willing. I wanted to be an actor in life rather than a reactor to life. And so the course was set. My sponsor suggested that I make a list of all the persons that I resented. He told me that I needed to be as thorough as possible — as my memory allowed. Consequently, I sat down with a pen and paper and began to write.
Please read the final installment in this series Part 4. Thank you.
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