Because of the resentments that I harbored against the people, places and things of my past, I found myself reacting to my present. Through my awareness I discovered that my unfinished business was in effect sabotaging my present.
I discovered that my resentments were undermining my ability to make healthy choices. Rather than being a proactive participant in my life I became a resident reactor. I reacted to my circumstances as though I was a child, an adolescent or a teenager — while as an adult. I reacted to defend myself and my life when no imminent threat existed.
Although I did not realize the ramifications of my resentments — at the time — I witnessed the impact that resentments were having upon the lives of countless others. The consequences of those resentments became apparent when I turned on the radio or television and listened to the news. Bad choices and fatal outcomes.
Through my recovery process I then became aware of the negative consequences that my resentments were having upon my life and my relationships. While sitting in a meeting I heard a member make a profound point. They said that having and harboring resentments is likened to drinking poison while hoping people, places and things die. When I heard the comparison reality became apparent. My resentments were slowly killing me and hindering my ability to trust the process, a loving God and myself.
The obvious was quickly becoming apparent. Nothing good was coming from the resentments that I held toward, God, myself and other people. The impact of my resentments hindered my ability to trust the process, a loving God and myself.
With my awareness — and through the encouragement of my sponsor — I realized that it was in my best interest that I begin a program of rigorous honesty. The student had become willing. I wanted to be an actor in life rather than a reactor to life. And so the course was set. My sponsor suggested that I make a list of all the persons that I resented. He told me that I needed to be as thorough as possible — as my memory allowed. Consequently, I sat down with a pen and paper and began to write.
Please read the final installment in this series Part 4. Thank you.
Receive more articles like this one simply by clicking on Subscribe to Second Chance to Live by email.
All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA