And now for Part 4.
In my pain and anguish, I had a spiritual awakening that motivated me to look for solutions. Although I did not know what I needed at the time, I knew that I was sick and tired of driving and being driven by the demand to be perfect in order to feel secure in my relationships — with God, myself and other people. My experience had brought me to an emotional and spiritual bottom.
I wanted to stop hating the child within me — who desperately wanted to be enough so that he would not be criticized, judged and rejected. I wanted to stop abandoning myself. I wanted to learn how to be a kind and loving parent — to myself. I wanted to learn how to accept myself. I wanted to stop fighting against myself. I wanted to be in kind and loving relationships. I wanted to learn how to cease from my striving to be.
I no longer wanted to be my enemy. I wanted to learn how to love and how to accept myself.
I wanted to learn how to love and receive love apart from needing to earn that love — through a performance-based system. Consequently, as I surrendered to the notion that I knew how to have relationships, I became teachable. As I became willing and teachable God sent a messenger across my path. That messenger suggested that I begin attending a program of healing and recovery.
As I became willing and teachable, God sent a messenger across my path. The messenger suggested that I begin attending a program of recovery.
At his suggestion, I started to attend that program of recovery — some 23 years ago. In my experience, I discovered that through attending meetings and by following the suggestions that were given to me — by other group members — I began to heal. As I began to heal I grew in self-awareness and self-acceptance. My self-awareness and self-acceptance have empowered me to live life on life’s terms.
Consequently, I have come to realize that my circumstances are opportunities to learn. Through my process, I have come to view my circumstances as messengers of my destiny.
As this series continues I will share what I have learned through the messengers that have been sent to me. As you observe what my messengers have taught me, may you be encouraged to welcome and learn from your circumstances — for they are messengers that lead us to our destiny.
Please read Part 5 of this series by clicking on this link. Thank you. Part 5
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