My stipulations mandated that my expectations – stated or implied — be fulfilled for me to remain in the relationship. When my expectations were not fulfilled I found that I became indignant, angry and critical toward those, in a relationship, that I was seeking to maintain. If my expectations were not fulfilled — over time — I would become indignant, angry, negative, critical and judgmental toward the relationship. These negative attitudes — left unchecked — would invariably crystallize into resentments.
Needless to say, I pushed many people away from me because no one could fulfill my ongoing expectations. My cumulative expectations — in effect — left me despondent, alienated and isolated because I could not live up to my own expectations to be perfect. In the process, I alienated people who cared about me and isolated myself from the very source of my healing — a loving God.
In the midst of my despondency, I had a spiritual awakening. The indignance, anger, negativity, criticism and judgment that I infused into my relationships with God, myself and other people — through my expectations — had in effect sabotaged and undermined all my relationships. The expectations that I had for people to be perfect as I was driven to be — so that people would not criticize, blame, reject or abandon me — proved to act as a spiritual cancer, that sought to destroy my very life.
My spiritual awakening revealed to me that I was creating the very thing I desperately strove to prevent — spiritual, emotional and physical abandonment.
With my growing awareness and acceptance, I became willing…
Please click on this link to read Part 4 — Part 4.
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