Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. In the process of living, social dynamics are inevitable. When two individuals interact, challenges can ensue. These challenges often arise when expectations become apparent as a friendship or relationship develops. These expectations may be connected to a fear of either losing something they have or not getting something they want out of the relationship. Fear can then motivate each person to try and control the other person through manipulation. Manipulation may occur because one or both parties believes that control will result in the fulfillment of their expectations.
Although control and manipulation may temporarily force a solution, the long-term consequence of such a dynamic will undermine the relationship.
In the event that these expectations are not satisfied, resentments may become an insidious factor in the relationship. If these resentments are not addressed, a power struggle may become an integral part of the relationship — as each person jockeys to have their expectations met. Passive-aggressive behaviors may then be used to side step being controlled or manipulated. The foundation of the relationship may begin to crack under the weight of such resentments and behavior. Consequently, apart from one or both parties using the principle of detachment, the relationship may crumble.
I have found that the principle of detachment is not meant to keep people out, but to keep me in. This means that I accept responsibility for my own feelings, needs, and wants. Through this understanding, I am free to mind my own business. Although I am responsible to others, I am not responsible for them or their choices.
My experience has taught me that I can give each person the dignity for making their own choices. Detachment allows me to accept that I too have choices. Subsequently, I no longer need to be held hostage to people and their choices. Detachment allows me to accept where I begin and other people end. Detachment allows me to accept that I am free to be responsible to and for my own happiness and contentment. Detachment sets me free from the trap of believing that I need to “fix” another person so that we can be OK — in our relationship — before that I can be OK with myself. Detachment allows me to be accountable to and for my feelings, needs and wants.
Through being accountable to and for my feelings, needs, and wants I allow my relationships to breathe.
Consequently, control and manipulation no longer need to drive my relationships. Through practicing personal responsibility — for my feelings,needs and wants — I create a win / win dynamic with in the relationship. Rather than being codependent in the relationship, I become independent — while at the same time I become interdependent with in the relationship. By practicing healthy detachment, the relationship becomes a place where each person is able to give freely of themselves apart from the pressure of unrealistic expectations. As each person with in the relationship remains accountable and responsible for themselves, personal empowerment becomes a way of life.
Personal responsibility and accountability with in the relationship encourages personal empowerment. Personal empowerment, empowers the relationship because each person is able to give freely of themselves.
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