Hello my friend and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. Earlier today I worked out at the YMCA, first with weights and then by riding one of the Y’s programmable stationary bikes. I have come to enjoy the functionality of these bikes because they give me the flexibility of riding different courses, with varying degrees of difficulty. Some of the courses entail flat terrains, while others involve foot hills, mountains and valleys. On some of the more advanced and extreme courses the distance of the ride can also be chosen by each rider.
Today, I selected a course that involved foot hills and mountains. Some of the foot hills and mountains had steep inclines to climb before reaching the top of each mountain. Upon reaching the top of each mountain I experienced a sense of accomplishment. With my accomplishment I was rewarded with a ride down the other side of the mountain. As I peddled across the summit and began my descend — on several occasions — I could not see beyond the top of the mountain and the direction of the course that awaited me on the other side of the mountain.
Consequently, at times I was riding blind until I came over the crest of the mountain and began riding down the other side of the mountain. Although I thought I knew what to experience I was not prepared for what awaited me on the other side of the mountain.
As I reflected upon my experience of riding blind after leaving the crest of the mountain I experienced a spiritual awakening. My experience of riding blind spoke volumes to me because for many years I felt as though I was riding blind because I did not know that that I was a traumatic brain injury survivor or an individual with an invisible disability. For more information you please read My Journey thus Far. Although I was able to ascend and conquer the mountain of achievement / accomplishment I was unable to use those achievements / accomplishments.
I found myself riding blind because I could not understand how I could be able to achieve academically but not able to maintain employment. Consequently, each time that I was terminated or let go from a job I found myself riding blind once again. You see, I allowed disappointment and discouragement to cloud my vision and to keep me from seeing the course that was on the other side of my mountain.
During those times in my life I sought to understand why I was able to achieve significant milestones, but unable to give what I had to offer. Although I disparately longed for clarity — as to the “why”s” — the answers to my questions never came to me until I began my recovery process. Once I began my recovery process the clouds of my disappointment and discouragement slowly began to lift. Through my recovery process I began to realize that although I had thought that I was riding blind — during those times in my life — I was in actuality being led in the direction of my destiny.
During those times of my life I disparately wanted to know “Why”, however the answers to my questions never came until I began my recovery process.
Through my recovery process I have learned several valuable lessons. I have discovered that I can let go of my need to know “why” because I now know that I can trust the process. I have discovered that I do not have to understand how all of the pieces of my experience are going to fit together because I now know that I have a future and a hope. I have also discovered that I never again need to believe that I am a victim of my circumstances because I now know that I have been empowered to learn from all those circumstances. I have also discovered that — if need be — I can ride blind on the other side of my mountains because I now know that I can trust a loving God.
Our circumstances are not meant to keep us down, but they are meant to build us up because we can trust the process, a loving God and ourselves.
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