Hi, and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. Happy New Year to you and your family my friend. I am glad to be back at my desk. I returned home late January 3 and had to take care of both snail mail and email that had been sent to me in my absence. I have caught up and now am free to share from my heart. Through my experience I have learned that I get overwhelmed when I have to interact with anyone for an extended period of time. As the number of people increases and the duration of time is extended beyond my capacity, my ability to know where I end and others begin becomes blurred.
Additionally, when the people I have to interact with chose to deny and minimize the significance of my reality – that I am a traumatic brain injury survivor – I am faced with a conundrum. Please read my post, My Struggle living with an Invisible Disability. When expectations are placed upon me to be more than I am capable of being – I am placed in an awkward position. Please read my post, Having an Invisible Disability – The Consequences of Denying my Reality. When I am confronted with anger because I am unable to live up to expectations – I am forced to make hard decisions.
Denial and minimization sought to strip ability to pursue my creative capacity.
I attempted to buy into other people’s denial systems for many years. In the process, I internalized re-proach, contempt and disdain for myself. My self-worth, value and significance were continually undermined and belittled because I could not measure up to the expectations for that denial system. In the process, my creative energy was diverted to appease the system. When I interacted with one particular person during the holiday break, I found myself being chided because I was unwilling to buy back into the denial system. Toward the end of my visit, I was told that my only disability was “self- absorption”.
In the process of my visit, several indelible lessons were reinforced. I am powerless over what other people chose to think or believe about my reality. Because I accept my reality, I can choose to limit the time I spend with any individual who chooses to deny or minimize my reality. I can practice live and let live. Because I know my limitations, I accept that 13 days is way too long to spend 24 / 7 around anyone. I believe 3 or 4 days would be feasible. With my awareness, I can make realistic decisions in the future. I can also choose to detach from the opinions of denial. Lastly, I can accept that it is, as it is. Not good or bad — just is.
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