Second Chance to Live

Sharing Hope in the Face of Adversity — One Piece at a Time

Traumatic Brain Injury and Vines—Part 2

Posted by Second Chance to Live on December 12, 2007

Please read Part 1. Thank you.

Through my recovery process, I have found freedom in a progressive manner. No one is to blame. As I have been able to own my sadness, the vines have slowly lost their hold upon my life. Please read my post, Displaced Sadness. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book, On Death and Dying talks about the five stages of grief. Grieving is not limited to the death of a loved one. Grieving can be experienced with any loss. I speak about the five stages in my post, Hello World. In my post, Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel I discuss the 3 family rules that are used to maintain the unresolved pain or secret. In my post, The Three Rules Revisited – Consequences I speak to the nature of these three rules.

Many of my posts speak specifically to traits and characteristics that are developed to survive emotionally and spiritually within a family system that chooses to not talk, not trust and not feel — for whatever reason. In my article, Whose Shame are you Carrying, I speak to the nature of shame and the shame transfer that occurs when people do not know how to or do not want to deal with their unresolved loss and pain. In one modality of understanding, the behavior of a shame transfer is called, passing the “hot potato”. Projection or transference occurs as the individual seeks to make someone other than themselves responsible for their discomfort, irritability, restlessness or discontent.

When I reached an emotional bottom, I became willing to look for answers. Please read my post, How fast are you running? Through my journey I have learned to own and take responsibility for my feelings needs and wants, however I do not have to be alone in my process. Please read my post, The Power of Identification, The disease of “ism”, whatever the “ism” may be is a disease of isolation. Through being involved with a support group we can come out of hiding and begin to heal little by little. In my experience, I had to stop shaming the child within before I could begin to accept myself.

Through attending various support group meetings I have been able to break free from the Don’t talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel rules. My experience has been enhanced through working with my sponsor and by working through the 12 Steps. Over the years my sponsor has been a very valuable resource. In my experience, I began to thaw emotionally and spiritually once I started attending support group meetings and when I began working through the 12 Steps.

Through my process, I have learned that my unrealistic expectations of God, other people and myself set me up to be frustrated with God, other people and myself…especially when they did not do what I expected. I have heard that expectations are premeditated resentments. Because of my experiences, I have learned an extremely valuable lesson. I am responsible to other people, but not for them or their choices. As I keep the focus on myself, I am able to let go of unrealistic expectations. Please read my post, Small Successes.

My Journey thus Far has taught me that I do not have to be restricted because of the vines. Life is a magical experience that can be relished when we choose to look for the YES in our circumstances. We can learn to thrive because of our circumstances. Our experiences come through our circumstances and those circumstances prepare you and I to take advantage of our opportunities. Our opportunities point us in the direction of our destinies. Please read my post, Thriving with a Disability.

The above posts are found within my Site Map. Many of my other posts provide practical solutions to living life on life’s terms. Please look through the titles listed in my Site Map. In the event that you have questions or concerns please leave a comment or send me a confidential email and I will respond to you my friend. You do not have to be alone in your struggle. Be encouraged my friend. You are a gift to your world!

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All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA

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