During much of my life I felt like a proverbial pinball, bouncing off of circumstances and people. My goal was to survive my circumstances and to avoid anything that could / would elicit feelings of inadequacy. I spent many years anticipating what reactions I may get from my choices. I also believed that I had to get my timing down to a science to rectify my relationship with people and situations. Because I obsessed on these factors, I had little time to be more than a human doing.
When I started my recovery process I had little idea what I really wanted. Because I was consumed with what other people thought of me –due to being so shame based – I had an over developed sense of responsibility. While I was attempting to put out emotional fires, those left smoldering in the ashes of my inadequacy seemed to re-ignite. My attention and energy went from one crisis to another crisis. Drama became the guide, which set the course for each day. Needless to say, I felt drained and depleted by my frenetic energy.
With time I have learned that I can detach from other people’s agitation (Please read my post, The Power of Choice). My daily existence no longer needs to be predicated on someone else’s mood or behavior. Like my sponsor reminds me, I need to let the whirling dervishes whirl. I no longer need to buy into the notion that I am responsible for the ills of the world. My goals and my motivation no longer need to be clouded by my environment.
With this in mind, I am making decisions that are healthy for me. I will not subject myself to being minimized or devalued by anyone, including myself. I will make choices that both empower and strongly contribute to my vision and goals. Apathy and complacency will not dissuade me. In this capacity, I will stay focused. I will find strong encouragement and motivation to stay on my path. I will develop goals and objectives to enhance what God has given me. I will not lag behind.
I will stay committed to this process, no matter what time of the day. In this commitment, my life will provide ongoing motivation. I will recognize that which infuses my creative energy. I will not be distracted. I will not waste my time on frivolous discouragement. I am capable. My focus will be as a strong wind against the sails of a boat. Prayer and meditation will be the rudder that guides the direction of my ship.
Follow your dreams and they will make room for you. Craig J. Phillips
If I get discouraged along the way, I will stop to evaluate my motives. This will bring me back to the reason why I have chosen those goals. If I find that there is grandiosity, I will humble myself. I will then remember that the timing in my process is not about me. My decision to not lose hope will guide my steps. I may not realize what is being accomplished today, but I will celebrate my journey. Therefore, I will surely be encouraged.
When I was a child, my mother said to me, ‘If you become a soldier, you will become a general. If you become a monk, then you will end up as Pope.’ Instead, I became a painter, and wound up as Picasso. Pablo Picasso
Follow your passions my friend. You are a gift to your world and your pretense is disparately needed!
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