Welcome back. I am happy you decided to stop by and visit. I have been thinking about what happened in Blacksburg, Virginia last week. The news was heard around the world. An individual had made the decision to vent his displaced rage on to unsuspecting students and faculty. At the end 33 people were dead and many more wounded.
News anchors and talk show hosts speculated about the reason for the rampage. Some said it was due to his fixation with video games and others declared that he had been abused and tormented. During this time period other crime scene professionals were examining the area to add to the conjecture.
Interviews with fellow students focused on how shooter was shy and how he had been abused and mistreated by many throughout his life. According to the shooter, the abuse prompted the killing spree. He declared, “You made me do this…” The sad reality is that the shooter did not have to go on his rampage.
I believe he had a choice to seek help, however for whatever reason he chose to hide.
Hopefully the events that occurred on the campus of Virginia Tech will motivate personal responsibility and accountability. In the event that you are hiding please seek help. You no longer have to carry the weight of your pain. There is a way out. Although you may not see a solution now, trust me. I have found a way out of the pain. Reach out to God and He will reach back to you. You will find a way. You will be led. Trust the process. Your life matters to me.
Being Controlled by Others
Our society seems to foster and even encourage irresponsibility. The concept of accountability is often practically dismissed. The buck is passed, the beat goes on, but actual resolution is avoided. People behave in ways, thinking that if a matter is not confronted, it will simply go away. Denial (or as I have heard it put, Don’t Even Know I Am Lying to myself) presents itself as a warm blanket. In actuality, denial is simply like a bandage that only covers a deep wound, so that it can not be seen. Although the wound may not be seen, underneath grows a toxic infection. Untreated, this infection will slowly drain life from those involved.
In families where unresolved pain is denied, roles are given to the various members to create a distraction away from the pain. One of these roles has the function for carrying the pain of the family. Consequently, they may be blamed as the reason for the difficulties in that family. The impact to the individual is devastating, while the underlying trouble continues to fester unchecked. As this roost continues, nothing gets resolved and the disease of perceptions continues to jade the individual. In these dynamics, blame and shame are common denominators used to control. When control is used to manipulate another person into carrying or being responsible for emotional pain, a toxic relationship is established.
The mechanisms used to control may be very subtle in nature, but the results are similar.
As I became aware of these subtle messages the eyes of my understanding were opened. In order to heal emotionally, I needed to stop taking on other people’s emotional pain. Through my process, I have been able to let go of my need to assume responsibility for anyone but myself. I have sought to apply this understanding to all of my relationships. Being accountable for my part in a relationship does not mean that I need to absorb anyone’s pain. I no longer will allow myself to be actively involved in relationships with people who chose to blame me. When I am wrong, I seek to make amends. Beyond that gesture, I will not carry anyone’s emotional pain. In this awareness, I can allow others the dignity to process (if they chose to) their own unresolved histories. Through making this decision, I avoid being pulled under emotionally by someone who may be drowning.
As you watch, listen to or read my article (s) and questions come to mind, please send those questions to me. All questions are good question. In the event that you would like to leave a comment, I would love to hear from you. You may send your question (s) or comment (s) by clicking on this link: Contact Page
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