Throughout my life, I have experienced many twists and turns. Many times, these twists and turns made little sense to me. Metaphorically speaking, I felt like a pinball ricocheting off a series of disappointments and resentments. This way of relating and reacting to my environment frequently left me feeling helpless. Although I spent much of my time and energy seeking to endure and survive my circumstances, I never felt secure. Consequently, I felt like I needed to defend, answer, or explain my existence.
When I got sick and tired of being sick and tired, I made some practical decisions. I no longer wanted to merely be a survivor, tossed about by my circumstances. I decided to embark in a new way of living. I began investing my time and energy into determining why I reacted to various people, places and things. I discovered that I was the common denominator in all these encounters.
Through my process, I came to accept my powerless over people, places, and things. Reality made something clear to me. Although I am powerless over people, places, and things I am not powerless over how I react to them. In addition to this awareness, I came to realize that my reactions to people, places and things were active choices. These active choices remained embedded in my unconscious, until I decided to stop blaming anyone or anything for my choices. And you know what, until I accepted this reality, I consciously choose to remain in denial.
When I chose to learn from my teachers, I no longer need to minimize anyone, including myself.
Although I may not like the people, places or things that I encounter, as I live my life, I need to remember that I am not helpless. I get to choose whether or not I learn from my reactions. If I chose to blame or shame someone for how I am reacting, I am only kidding myself. As I remain committed and open to learn from my reactions, I am empowered. A new freedom and vitality for living is found. The energy once used to survive my reactions is now being used to enhance my quality of living.
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