In the process of living, social dynamics are inevitable. When two individuals interact, challenges can ensue. These challenges often arise when expectations become apparent as a friendship or relationship develops. These expectations may be connected to a fear of either losing something they have or not getting something they want out of the relationship. Fear can then motivate each person to try and control the other person through manipulation. This may occur because one or both believes this behavior will result in the fulfillment of their expectations. Although control and manipulation may temporarily force a solution, the long-term consequence of such a dynamic will undermine the relationship.
In the event that these expectations are not satisfied, resentments may become an insidious factor in the relationship. If these resentments are not addressed, a power struggle may become an integral part of the relationship as each person jockeys to have their expectations met. Passive-aggressive behaviors may then be used to side step being controlled or manipulated. The foundation of the relationship may begin to crack under the weight of such resentments. Apart from one or both parties using the principle of detachment, the relationship will crumble.
I have found that the principle of detachment is not meant to keep people out, but to keep me in. This means that I accept responsibility for my own feelings, needs, and wants. Through this understanding, I am free to mind my own business. Although I am responsible to others, I am not responsible for them or their choices.
I can let each person have the dignity for making those choices. Detachment allows me to accept that I have choices too. Subsequently, I no longer need to be held hostage to people and their choices. Detachment allows me to accept where I begin and other people end. I am then free to accept that I am responsible for — my own happiness and contentment.
Control and manipulation no longer need to be factors when making a decision. In reality, personal responsibility creates a win-win outcome for the relationship. As each party owns the choices they make each day, expectations no longer need to destabilize the relationship. Personal responsibility and accountability encourages personal empowerment. Consequently, each person will be able to give from what they have experienced. A positive synergy will occur and the relationship will be empowered.
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